As you might have guessed, I have mental health problems. For over 25 years, I've been depressed and anxious. It started when I was 18 years old, and away from home for the first time. It was a major university, about 25,000 students. I couldn't emotionally handle it. Over 25 years later, I have the same issues, but with greater intensity. Not an hour passed by that I'm not miserable or anxious. I haven't had a good night's sleep in years. So I've decided not to suffer this anymore and am going to end my life. Not sure how yet, probably through a gun--been doing a lot of research and that seems to be the most effective way. You may be thinking: : Jack, have you called the suicide hotline? Answer: no, I don't want to be saved. In a strange way, I am content for the first time since 1991 (high school graduation). After March, I will be free. No more misery. They say depression is anger turned inward--in my case, at least, this is true. My self-loathing is almost unlimited. Every night I think about events in the past where I made the wrong decision and I hate myself more every day. Remember: I told you this would be dark.

Hello. Thank you for reading. Warning: this blog is not a Disney movie--it is very dark and depressing. It will not end in a good way. This is my online suicide note--over the course of the next 3 months or so. I am anticipating ending my life sometime in March. Maybe a week or two after my 47th birthday, although that's really just a coincidence. The next (and last) 10 posts or so will explain why I am ending my life. I warned you this would be dark...